My favorite thing in life is to see the person you’re serving experience the ‘aha moment‘ of grace. The intersection where unconditional love is received, as the revelation of the truth permeates, it permissions their authentic true-self to step forward as the lies & mask fall to the ground.
The long exhale of relief is beautiful to witness. To witness their departure from the prison of perfection, performance, and people-pleasing; to the promised land of significance and security. The mind, body, and soul connection is marvelous. When they sync up with your spirit, you begin to live from a place of power and congruency. We recognize lies they believed when their inner child took responsibility & fault for another’s pain along the way. It grieves me that many spend years stuck in their patterns cycles or secret addictions wondering “Why am I the way I am?” and “Why do I do the things I do?” When we connect the dysfunction of the past to the dysfunction in the present, it’s like Deja Vue; where have I seen or experienced this before..and so the journey begins.
No Judging, Just Grace
Self-awareness is healthy, but it is legalism when self-awareness meets your sin consciousness. Recognizing your experiences and acknowledging the pain are key to our healing. So if you are hyper-aware of every fault, flaw, or missed opportunity, or feel ashamed when you fail to perform perfectly, those ideas were both caught or taught in your culture. The Bible tells us that “loving me [God] empowers you to obey My voice” (John 14) In my experience, knowing I’m loved by God unconditionally causes me to love Him more – thus the need for this sin consciousness vanishes.
I tell my kids often, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what I didn’t know back then… I was wrong, I missed it, and I’m so sorry for hurting you.” The power of an authentic apology with grace will help in healing. Yet I also want to encourage you if you are aware of past pain, processing, & healing; you cannot make excuses for abuse, cover co-dependent behaviors, or excuse the abandonment, neglect, or rejection you experienced because then you minimize your own pain. We must acknowledge where we have been, so as not to keep it buried. If you are a parent who carries shame I want to encourage you:
God isn’t watching and waiting for us to mess up so he can punish us; He loves us and is a good good Father who celebrates us when we swing and miss! – Dan Mccollam
What does dysfunction look like?
- If you grew up in an authoritarian home, you would be deathly afraid to make a simple mistake, because you were punished, you are likely very indecisive as you don’t want to make a wrong decision so you freeze up. You watch the room to anticipate moods and can easily take on others’ emotions and become a punching bag.
- If you grew up in a perfectionist home, fear of failure is enormous, shame screams at you when things aren’t right, adaptability is not in your top five strengths, you probably overcompensate, through achievement and border on workaholism & no one can do it as good as you so they eventually just let you do it all.
- If you grew up in a legalistic home, you likely feel both fear and shame because you are constantly judged based on your behavior. You live with a false sense of responsibility for “never making another stumble and you judge yourself just as much as you may judge others because grace is not a word used in legalistic homes.
Seen, Known, & Loved
Whatever and however your behaviors, symptoms, habits, addictions, or dysfunction are showing up presently, I want you to know it’s not too late! You are not too broken, lost, or far gone that an encounter with God and maybe some sessions with a good therapist can’t heal!
What does Healthy look like?
When healing occurs, there is a shift that traverses your mind, body, soul, and spirit as you experience being seen, known, and loved unconditionally. When God looks at us, He doesn’t see our mistakes or shortcomings. His eyes look with love, redemption, forgiveness, and empathy toward us. A healed heart welcomes grace in place of earning, performing, and perfection. It supernaturally changes the way our minds think about ourselves and others. A newfound freedom from shame and guilt so that we can live lives filled with peace, powerful connection, and authentic relationships. One of my favorite poems is Our Greatest Fear by Marianne Williamson – here is an excerpt.
“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others“
Friends, you are so worth it – go for your healing! This world is waiting on you to show up. It needs every gift, talent, resource, and ability you carry. You are a solution and an important part of your culture, family, city, and nation.
The most powerful gift you share with others is your story, your breakthrough, your suffering, and your healing! All humanity needs to experience unconditional love in the midst of pain. Share what you encounter as you heal from past pain and trauma. Jehovah Rapha – The God who makes the bitter experiences sweet.” is waiting for you!
If you have unprocessed trauma or unresolved pain you are still carrying, schedule a session today! Don’t wait -your best life is still to come!
“His perfect love will never leave nor forsake us” – Deuteronomy 31